Lessons marriage taught me

Today is Christmas day!!! I did my own Christmas post yesterday 🙂 because today is our 5th Months Anniversary and I wanted to share this with you!

I am sure every newly wed must have heard this annoying question the most in the shortest amount of time

“How is married life”

As much as I know that they may mean well and some people just really want to know to prepare themselves for the time, the question can get so annoying mostly because it’s all you have heard since you got married, I mean no one cares about “How are you?” again just tell me how married life is going… Ish! and ofcourse, my default answer to the general asking public is “Fine” or “Going good” but to my friends I ask first “Do you want the public answer or you want the truth” and naturally they want the truth, then I go ahead to tell them how married life really is from my perspective.

I tried not to have any expectations going into the marriage knowing the kind of unconventional relationship we’ve had and understanding that those expectations will make me put certain kind of pressure on him or myself and that was the least thing I wanted. I just wanted us to grow into the union and find our feet on OUR terms, not anything the world tried to shove in our face.

Having said that, here are 5 (and maybe more) x_x I’ve learnt in 5 Months of being married!

  1. Anything and Everything can make you argue; With the emphasis on “CAN” – It has the potential of making you argue. You come from different backgrounds and you as the lady are probably still emotional from the big move and small issues, if not handled properly will escalate really quickly. As much as anything and everything has the potential of making you argue, how you handle it is also very important and somedays you will goof and handle it/react in a way that will cause the arguement to go on and on and on and other days, you just be a very good Jesus baby! Whichever happens, don’t beat yourself up. Learn and move on! Which brings me to the next point
  2. Choose your battles; It is NOT a cliche. I am learning to pick my battles. It always baffled me how people will say things like couples arguing over the way either one of them presses the toothpaste or the toilet seat, I just could not understand it until I realised that it kinda ticked me off how he pressed the toothpaste but except he reads it now, I have never mentioned it why? It is just inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. I mean is it really worth it? You learn to let go rather quickly too.
  3. Enjoy yourself; Just enjoy yourself! Laugh together, have fun, have conversations and the whole works. As we are finding and getting the dynamics of living and working together – Which can be very emotional, hard and what have you – We have also had the most fun! We hardly go out and all but we talk alot, laugh etc and basically just be friends. but…
  4. There might be abit of struggle; Struggle to get your family devotion right, struggle to cook, struggle to understand your differences, Struggle to understand “WHY IS HE NOT JUST GETTING IT”, Struggle to maintain your individuality while growing to be one, Struggle to start seeing your imperfections through the eyes of the one you love, Struggle to see their imperfections, Struggle to help him see the need for a christmas tree, Struggle to help him understand that it’s not black and white with women, its all shades of emotions, Struggle to get his left brained dominated self to see your right brained perspective. LOL The Struggle! Which is why I say this “Churches should do post marital counselling instead of pre- because then there are questions to ask”
  5. Cut yourself some slack: I understood that it was the first time both of us are getting married and it wasn’t like we had any so much experience whatsoever in dealing with each other considering the fact that our courtship wasn’t so loooong! I had to cut myself some slack… We put so much pressure on ourselves to get some things right in the beginning and it caused alot of friction… It’s now the 5th month and we are still learning to get it right and IT IS OKAY!!!! It’s also very important when it comes to individual struggles to be patient with your partner and extend some grace and unconditional love to them till they do ‘Get it right’. Constant reminders that it is a process and it takes time helps alot to give myself a break.
  6. Popular belief is just what it is, Popular; Doesn’t make it truth! Let God guide your decisions, let God guide your thinking, let him give you directions because there are so many popular beliefs that isn’t in the word of God. I learnt quickly not to just follow what ‘people’ are saying and let God help me on this journey afterall it was before HIM and only him I dedicated the marriage to so why get wisdom from someone/something that is not based on his word?

There you have it. If you are married can you please share some of the lessons you’ve learnt in your marriage (however short)? and If you are single what are you looking forward to in your marriage?

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Thank you!




Written by Arike