#BecomingMrsO: Finalised

I always had an idea in my head about how lovey dovey my next relationship would be like but he came and smacked it down~ My Vows 25/7/15

BecomingMrsO

“The Age difference is not a big deal” I heard time and time again from different people at different times when I was about to make my decision to go ahead with the relationship and asides from the confidence that I had in God to see me through it ALL, I honestly had no clue what to expect but so far we had be relating well and the Age wasn’t a barrier sooner than later it started showing up. I knew this would be one long ride.

Mr O and I are from different generations and as much as the age difference sometimes don’t matter other times, it really matters. Here are some of those times.

On friendships and name calling;

This was actually a very dicey one for me because I am a yoruba girl to the core and it’s hard to just call people by name anyhow especially when I know they are way older than me. We had to talk about it and agree that it was okay for me to call him by his first name because I found out that I avoided calling his name. But what we didn’t agree on – till recently – was his friends. When you come together in a relationship with someone you get the whole package, their family and friends, the age difference also means that our friends are generations apart. This was difficult for me especially  because you have to try to relate with people that are not in your age bracket most of the time without sounding disrespectful in any way and being able to interact at a certain level of intelligence, so what happened initially was that I was mostly quiet during such interactions but I am learning to open up more and contribute.

On being Romantic;

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I am operating on a lovey-dovey-social-media-technology-inclined-hippy frequency and he is just old school. I soon discovered that my dear old school prospective was so NOT ROMANTIC and if you know him well you will know that he is real to a fault and he categorically told me that he doesn’t buy into all the romantic hype and all and anyone that really knows me will know that I am a hopeless romantic, I would make cards, write long letters/notes and make a show of my love and I was like “Chai, One chance” but I had to sit myself down and ask “Do you mind?” “Is that what is really important?” “Can you live with this for the rest of your life?” after I answered these questions I knew I was ready to go ahead with it. When we started the relationship we decided to avoid all the kissing and romance in order to honour God and focus on what was important, getting to really know each other without letting emotions get in the way. Asides the fact that I had to adjust my mindset to accomodate this new-old-school way (Which was hard) The good thing is that it taught me not to buy into the false romanticism (sp?) that brings about a hype that is not sustainable, it taught me the art of delayed gratification.

Speaking of which, When he was ready to ‘propose’ to me. He asked for us to visit my parents that he wanted to discuss it with them. I knew what he wanted to talk to them because we had talked about it. When he spoke to my Dad, he thought it was too short a time for him to make the decision to marry me so, my dad asked him to come back in like 2 months. When he went to my dad after the said time passed, then my dad gave him a date to bring his parents to meet the family and they chose a wedding date and the rest is history. I can categorically tell you that I was not a part of the proposal process and after I announced that I was getting married to everyone’s surprise the first questions was “Where is the ring” and I’m like -______________-

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I had to somehow break the norm!

On life perspective and communication; 

Our personalities may also come into play here, although we have some old-school ideologies in common but initally I would wonder “Why does he never understand me?” and He would wonder the same and it was very obvious that we needed to understand each other. We had to be open to listen to each others perspective and understand the ‘Why’ behind certain actions even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Communication was also very challenging because I had to be very careful with my choice of words so it doesn’t come across as being disrespectful and also remove the mindset that he is talking down at me when he ‘scolds’ me. It helped me to be cautious with my words as could be very careless sometimes and also gave me confidence in who I am and know that he has my best interest at heart when he corrects me.

Yeah, Age might just be a number and may not be a big deal but it sure takes extra work to make sure that it works. You might see people with beautiful relationships on the outside but there’s so much work that goes on behind-the-scenes.

… With this I have some to the end of my #BecomingMrsO series. I hope you enjoyed and learned a thing or 2?

 

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Cheers!!!

Cheers to #BeingMrsO.

P.s: The story of the hair I used for my wedding was posted on a natural hair blog, if you are interested click here

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. Rhaposdy says:

    Blessings my sistah.

    All the best in your marriage.

    You know when you are young this is what you say “age doesn’t matter, its just a number” well, because you cannot see the pebbles in your eye, when you look you only see stars. However there will come a time when it matters a lot. Like you said, it takes work, the outlook on life, the perspective, just to name a few but when it really shows up is when you begin to age especially if there is a 10 – 15 year difference (example you 30 he 50). Ask me how I know sistah and you can know I am not just talking out the side of my mouth to have a conversation. I am being deliberately vague cause I don’t want plant any ideas. I am not going to lecture, all I will say is this, you are already on the bridge, make the best of it, love and live and enjoy with all of you and please include the love of self, make sure it is always part of the equation.

    peace. and blessings.

    1. arike says:

      Hmmm… All these codedness. Not good oh! Thank you so much for the encouragement and advice. I really appreciate.

      1. Rhapsody says:

        Good Day to you Mrs O.
        Sometimes my little sis, too much advise crowd the head and confusion ensues. It is at times wise to let you find your way and should you see counsel then give it.

        Peace….
        May love surround you and yours.
        Stay blessed.

  2. Nikkisho says:

    Thanks for sharing this with us!!! I definitely learned something. Happy married life Mrs O.
    You look gorgeous in the pictures on the featured post and I like the final style you picked.

    1. arike says:

      I am glad. Thanks Nikki 😉

  3. God bless your home Tomi…lessons resounded. thanks for sharing 🙂

    1. arike says:

      Amen!!!! Thanks Frances

  4. Dumebi says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. I kept coming back in hopes that you had written the finale! You can imagine my excitement.Lol
    Thank you for sharing your unique love story. May joy and peace be always in your home. Congratulations!!!

    1. arike says:

      Awwwww…. Thanks Dumebi.

  5. Boladale says:

    To me itt was so real!!! The realness didn’t make it any less beautiful rather it made it a story to treasure more. God will continually bless your home and make Dem little “O’s” blessings to both you and Mr O. I loved the story?

    1. arike says:

      Yay! I am loving the sound of little O’s hehehe. Ameeen. Thanks Bola!

  6. Lola says:

    Mrs. O Mrs. O……

    I love you and God bless you both!

    1. arike says:

      Oshey dear. Love you tooo

  7. @ilola says:

    Only 3 episodes? Abeg which kain series be this? I no gree o. Come and continue joo.

    Words designed to Intimidate

    1. arike says:

      LOL. it is not nollywood na. How many episodes do you want??? Loool

  8. Remi Ojeyemi says:

    I’m proud of the young woman you have become. God is really on your side. Love you dear.

    1. arike says:

      Thank you mum!

  9. tamie says:

    Nice one.
    Congrats again dearie.
    God bless your home.

  10. toin says:

    I was just cheesing all over. God bless your new home Mrs O.

    1. arike says:

      Oh! You got to the end 🙂 Ameen!!! Thanks Toin!

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