You know how they say “You don’t really know someone until you marry them?” Well we are going through our own fair share of discoveries. My husband recently stumbled on my old embarrassing videos on my youtube channel. Oh! it was such a pain for me to watch him watch them and laugh at me. I went ahead to ask him what did he learn about me from my old videos.
“You look really good with your low cut”
You love photography and
You love God” he said.
I have just realised that I don’t love God as much as I used to, or I love him but I have become less passionate about HIM? Or what? I have just not been able to answer the question. As I watched the videos, there is just something that is different now. I can’t really place my hands on it.
It makes me wonder, I used to write alot mostly coming from a place of fellowship with God and what it is I was learning and all that has just sort of fizzled out now, then I enter panic mode. “If the relationship with my source is not like it used to be, what am I going to write about?” It just didn’t make any sense to me as I went back and forth in my head with myself.
I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything because I felt very inadequate. I had put so much pressure on myself to write something ‘wise’ or ‘deep’ as the case maybe and I needed to repent but how can you repent when you don’t even know what the problem is? and up until 2 Saturdays ago I had no clue that was my problem. I would go back and forth so much in my head till my budding ‘post’ is irrelevant.
“You have something to offer”
“You have Value” These and more were practically drummed into my Spirit that Saturday at the sista power gathering and I had to quiet that voice and slowly respond to God’s again because I really wanted to. I yearn and long for it, I had to start by admitting that I needed to respond to his Love. I Love because HE first loved me which needs to be my reality. I am still reading and studying to bring to my consciousness the reality of who HE is as my father so I can respond to him.
So, there you have it…. Another ‘thing’ that has been holding me back.
What tips do you have for me? Ever found yourself here? What did you do in those times? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.