I always had an idea in my head about how lovey dovey my next relationship would be like but he came and smacked it down~ My Vows 25/7/15
“The Age difference is not a big deal” I heard time and time again from different people at different times when I was about to make my decision to go ahead with the relationship and asides from the confidence that I had in God to see me through it ALL, I honestly had no clue what to expect but so far we had be relating well and the Age wasn’t a barrier sooner than later it started showing up. I knew this would be one long ride.
Mr O and I are from different generations and as much as the age difference sometimes don’t matter other times, it really matters. Here are some of those times.
On friendships and name calling;
This was actually a very dicey one for me because I am a yoruba girl to the core and it’s hard to just call people by name anyhow especially when I know they are way older than me. We had to talk about it and agree that it was okay for me to call him by his first name because I found out that I avoided calling his name. But what we didn’t agree on – till recently – was his friends. When you come together in a relationship with someone you get the whole package, their family and friends, the age difference also means that our friends are generations apart. This was difficult for me especially because you have to try to relate with people that are not in your age bracket most of the time without sounding disrespectful in any way and being able to interact at a certain level of intelligence, so what happened initially was that I was mostly quiet during such interactions but I am learning to open up more and contribute.
On being Romantic;
I am operating on a lovey-dovey-social-media-technology-inclined-hippy frequency and he is just old school. I soon discovered that my dear old school prospective was so NOT ROMANTIC and if you know him well you will know that he is real to a fault and he categorically told me that he doesn’t buy into all the romantic hype and all and anyone that really knows me will know that I am a hopeless romantic, I would make cards, write long letters/notes and make a show of my love and I was like “Chai, One chance” but I had to sit myself down and ask “Do you mind?” “Is that what is really important?” “Can you live with this for the rest of your life?” after I answered these questions I knew I was ready to go ahead with it. When we started the relationship we decided to avoid all the kissing and romance in order to honour God and focus on what was important, getting to really know each other without letting emotions get in the way. Asides the fact that I had to adjust my mindset to accomodate this new-old-school way (Which was hard) The good thing is that it taught me not to buy into the false romanticism (sp?) that brings about a hype that is not sustainable, it taught me the art of delayed gratification.
Speaking of which, When he was ready to ‘propose’ to me. He asked for us to visit my parents that he wanted to discuss it with them. I knew what he wanted to talk to them because we had talked about it. When he spoke to my Dad, he thought it was too short a time for him to make the decision to marry me so, my dad asked him to come back in like 2 months. When he went to my dad after the said time passed, then my dad gave him a date to bring his parents to meet the family and they chose a wedding date and the rest is history. I can categorically tell you that I was not a part of the proposal process and after I announced that I was getting married to everyone’s surprise the first questions was “Where is the ring” and I’m like -______________-
On life perspective and communication;
Our personalities may also come into play here, although we have some old-school ideologies in common but initally I would wonder “Why does he never understand me?” and He would wonder the same and it was very obvious that we needed to understand each other. We had to be open to listen to each others perspective and understand the ‘Why’ behind certain actions even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Communication was also very challenging because I had to be very careful with my choice of words so it doesn’t come across as being disrespectful and also remove the mindset that he is talking down at me when he ‘scolds’ me. It helped me to be cautious with my words as could be very careless sometimes and also gave me confidence in who I am and know that he has my best interest at heart when he corrects me.
Yeah, Age might just be a number and may not be a big deal but it sure takes extra work to make sure that it works. You might see people with beautiful relationships on the outside but there’s so much work that goes on behind-the-scenes.
… With this I have some to the end of my #BecomingMrsO series. I hope you enjoyed and learned a thing or 2?
Cheers to #BeingMrsO.
P.s: The story of the hair I used for my wedding was posted on a natural hair blog, if you are interested click here