The ‘Chilled’ year that was 2018 – Tomilola Olatunde

I hung out with a couple of amazing women at the end of last year, one of them looked at me as said “You look like you’ve had a chilled year” and I couldn’t help but laugh. There are so many things that happened in 2018 but I just chose not to “carry on my head” because if I did I probably won’t be able to look “chilled” 

When I look back at the beginning of the year and everything that went down, I can only say taking one day at a time is what helped. I started this year stressed, my help refused to come back from his village and kept giving excuses. Hearing her say those words made me realise that I took God’s word of “Don’t worry about anything” seriously this year. I have to also realise that when God says “Don’t worry” doesn’t mean “Forget” because we are supposed to comfort others out of the comfort we have received. What has happened with me is, because I didn’t worry so much this year, I also didn’t try to remember. 
But this time I am choosing to remember my lessons and review how my year went. 

I would say this year was a year of growth, stretching and confidence to do what I love. I didn’t set any goals in 2018 at the beginning of the year, not because I don’t believe in goal setting but I was just not into it and you’d know why as we go along. 

Like I mentioned at the beginning of the year my help decided not to come back from the village and I was running around like a headless chicken, panicking and wondering how I was going to manage since I didn’t prepare myself for it which taught me my first lesson of the year, don’t let anyone be indispensable I had no choice but to get myself together and take on the job which was more stressful. I knew I could do it but I just wasn’t prepared for. I had to double down on my planning, meals, child routine, to-do list and everything. Just so you know, I had a total of 6 helps before the year ran out and as it stands my help has not come back, life is funny right? (I got another one already, pray for me)

My Son turned 1 and I realised I had not taken a break since he was born. At the beginning of the year, we were breastfeeding and I was already over it at the time because of the stress that came with it (midnight feedings, attachment, sleeplessness etc.) but my son wasn’t letting go but I was really stressed out. I wasn’t sleeping very well. We had a great home get together for him and he had a great time but I had to send him off to Grandmas place and for the first time in a year, I had some quiet… You never know what you have until it’s gone was the case. I got in a good week of sleep, getting things done. It made me understand the concept of “Taking time out” when he got back I noticed I was a loooot more patient with him. I had been able to process my motherhood journey without the pressure of taking care of him in the moment. I learnt that as a new and first time mum one NEEDS to take some time (a few days) to process this new job description without the responsibility of the child and even if all you have is a few hours? Take it!

I struggled with my Identity; For a long time I have always known myself to be the small and cute girl, this did not stop me from going after all the things I wanted to do but I noticed that there was a limitation because I felt I was small and people saw me in that light. When I said it was time to grow up, I did grow up. I started listening to alot more developmental materials that would help me. Listened to my husband as he coached me and is helping me grow. I learnt that there is no where you can’t start from as long as you willing to learn. There is a wealth of information out there to help you kick start your journey.

Let your voice be heard no mean say scatter everything; I have been married now for like 3 years and I can say we finally have gotten to a point where I am not having to cry alot about how my husband doesn’t understand me or how I feel he isn’t acting right. This year 2018 was the make or break year – One thing I tell people who haven’t married is this, there will be challenges in marriage no matter how perfect you guys are but you want to choose the kind of challenges you will have (Is it not better to be dealing with miscommunication then infidelity?) by the type of person you marry. It is not about if the person is christian/spirit filled or what not, Can the person submit though? To you, to authority, to wise counsel and most importantly to God- We had a difficult first half (read that as more than half) of the year and we even had a more difficult time trying to fix it. I learnt again that it is okay if you have the right 3rd party to help you out on your journey, the RIGHT marriage counselling can save you alot of headache.

I got out of the mould of “I am not a business person”: I have never really seen myself as a business person and for a long time was content just working for people – which is great – I actually see myself as someone who loves to be a part of a big puzzle a valueable part but as life would have it, I knew I couldn’t continue in paid employment in this lagos because of stress and my decision to put my son first. So, I joined our family business (Fotolighthouse) and if you have followed me long enough you’d know that I’ve loved photography for the longest time, infact that is how I met my husband ( gan read the gist) anyways, I decided to ask myself what I really love about photography and the answers led me to adding to the list of things I am doing. I also realised that why I didn’t think I was a business person was because of all the structure, big english, legalisation that comes with buying and selling so I decided to take each day as it comes, get my feet wet with making some money and grow from there. Don’t exclude yourself from a party you’ve been invited to because you think they didn’t call you! 

I was just floating in my spiritual life this year, I don’t know how to explain it but by the end of the year I understood that there was a difference. All through the year I struggled with Bible study. I did learn alot this year, I learnt more about God and my walk with God and in that deepening, my ‘passion’ suffered (I don’t know if that made sense) this year I started the journey of questioning what I believe not because I was having doubt about my christianity but more because I know my child will grow older and will have questions, I will disciple different people and they will have questions so, I better have answers if I am really a follower! I challenge you this year to question your beliefs, so you can know in your knowing what you know and believe!

How was your 2018? Except I get anymore posts, this will be the end of the year in review, I am really looking forward to 2019 and sharing more of my heart here with you. I hope you follow me on the journey!



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