“In Sickness and in health”
“For better for worse”
“For richer for poorer”
“As long as you both shall live”
These were the vows I made before God and man. They felt like just mere words at the altar because my feet hurt from the heels and I really just wanted to get it over with as I am not a big fan of getting all the attention.
The reality of those words didn’t dawn on me until we started living the day-to-day life.
In the mundane.
In the heat of the arguments without headway.
In the snide comments.
In the sarcasm.
In those moments that seem like forever…
It really dawned hard on me the reality of those vows.
“I don’t think I can do this marriage thing anymore”
You see, I’ve thought about it a number of times in the course of the first year and for the first time (I think) I said it out to someone as a matter of fact. In the moment, I didn’t care. I was hurt, angry. Which is why I think that it is great to have people that are ahead of you to show you the truth according to God’s word regardless of how hard it might be to practice at the time.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” Luke 6:46
Reading through the new testament over the last few days, studying the words of Jesus over and over again makes you realise that he instructed alot of impossible things, things that we can’t do in our human flesh. But, because we can’t do it in our strength doesn’t make it any less important or any less required of us to obey them. Which is why we need to lean into him for strength to obey him and mortify our flesh everyday.
This particular day I was speaking of I had gotten to my wits end and frankly was willing to damn all the consequences but after the reminder by one of my lovely older sisters, I was reminded of God’s word and as hurt as I was, I knew that obedience was more important that holding a grudge. I knew that maintaining peace was what will make Jesus proud.
The moment when I knew my marriage was over I said “I am sorry” because It didn’t matter if I was right or hurt, what mattered was obedience. What mattered was being a representative of Jesus.